Personalize or personalise. I kid you not. I recently received an email from a UK company offering me their “Personalization” service. Being a grumpy old man I put them straight. Funny they never replied…

Movie or film. Well it’s quite simple really, it’s a film. I go to the cinema to watch a film and not the movie theatre.

Stationery and stationary. It’s a common error.

Remember the “e” for “envelope”.

Reach out to you. This one really annoys me – what is wrong with I am contacting you? Reaching out is far too touchy feely for my liking. Why would you reach out? I am not teetering on the edge of a cliff.

ATM, cashpoint or hole in the wall. It’s simply a cashpoint or, better still, the hole in the wall. Oh and some people call them an ATM machine. So that’s an Automated Teller Machine Machine is it?

Mobile phone, not a cell phone. When did we start calling them a cell phone? It’s just wrong, it’s a mobile phone.

We are where we are. Or put it another way, we are up to our eyes in doo dah and it’s not my fault of course.

Can I get a. Oh come on now it’s can I have! We are not in The Bronx for goodness sake.

Least worst option. Now that’s just bad grammar.

Have you ever been on an American flight and been asked to deplane? It’s disembark!

Text speak. It’s just plain lazy. You know when you get a text from someone that asks “R U OK?” Learn to spell.

People who when asked a question start their reply with “So”. Why would you want to do that? It’s a waste of a word.

My bad. For goodness sake who taught you to speak?

Well Jel.  The only way is Essex has a lot to answer for.

I have an issue. No you don’t, the issue is that you have a problem.

Is it any wonder they get their timesheets in on time?

Paul Mann aka Victor Meldrew