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Well, I’m really hacked off. Golden bollocks – our Content Marketing “Virgin” – cobbles together a few words, has them edited so they appear to be in English rather than Swahili…and then, within minutes of posting, he’s got 37 Facebook Likes.

Meanwhile, carefully crafted articles cleverly using words from the latest girl bands (see “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want”) languish in the realms of the unread, unloved and un twittered..or is it untwitted?

Then, to compound matters, I read disparaging comments about my supposed technophobia. At times, life is so unfair.

Now, I want to be clear. I am not a technophobe. I have a mobile phone – and I sometimes use it. It’s a Samsung C170 – in a deep red reminiscent of my Ducati – and when seen by clients they often say “Wow – what a tiny phone….what does it do?”

I tell them it’s a phone…which to me seems pretty self evident…

Camera?….nope.

Music? ….nope.

Web access?…..nope.

Interest dies immediately. However, out in the boondocks where their iPhone 1, 2, 3, etc, etc become lifeless…guess who has a signal? Yep, you guessed it!

And the best thing? It cost me £10.

Likewise with these iPad things. Brilliant marketing on the part of Apple and according to colleagues an absolutely essential part of their lives. But £400+? Blooming heck – that’s more than a new pair of Church’s and the pair I’m wearing now were bought in Ireland in 1993 and have years left in them!

So, I’ve just canvassed opinion in the The fabl offices as to what I should do. The answers were not encouraging.

Retire. Well, that’s not very nice from young whippersnappers who think wearing trousers halfway between their knees and their testicles is fashionable. Don’t they have a mirror at home?

Join Facebook. But why would I want to tell the world about what I’m doing? Men don’t gossip . I’ve got a wife for that – and she manages splendidly.

Join Twitter. Well, I’m with David Cameron on that…and I still know that word as a pregnant goldfish.

Go onto Tumblr. Well, I’m sorry, I’m not joining something where they can’t even spell what I have my nightly G&T in….and if that website is anything to do with the company that keeps sending me messages about out of date acrobats from Adobe – I’m surprised anyone else is interested. It’s just so irritating to be interrupted whilst reading the Daily Telegraph.

So, the only realistic route for me is sabotage…a trick I learnt many moons ago in another life.

I’ve looked on the internet and see that I need to start “hacking”….so I’m off to the stables in the morning.